Just a Brit named Logan.

So when you go out and there’s no one interesting to talk to, you just have to find a way to entertain yourself… which is how I became a british girl named Logan from a small town west of London. Apparently, after 6 beers or so, the accent comes quite naturally- and the more other people drink, the more gullible they become. I don’t think Sunny and I have ever laughed so hard.

 

It was almost as fun as the time I convinced a guy that my roommate was a Russian named Inga. 

Gotta get your kicks when you can get ’em.

The randomness that happens in my head.

I wonder how much astronauts make a year. I wish my DVR could record more than two shows at a time. How is it possible that my cell phone has service everywhere except my couch. I love the smell of my pumpkin and candy corn candles burning simultaneously. Why will my dog spend 10 mins playing in the monkey grass when we go out but then pee on my dining room rug as soon as we come in. I wonder what the qualifications are for being a cruise ship photographer. Could my friends and family cruise for free? I wish I had a faster camera. I wish my flash didn’t make some shots look yellow. I love getting comments on facebook pictures. I hate that everyone’s a critic. I wish I didn’t care so much what my parents thought about me. I wish my house would stay clean for longer than two days in a row. I wonder how much a maid costs. Would she judge me for my messy closets? I want to make my coat closet an office. That would involve cleaning it out. Not worth it. Why is it that my left couch cushion always seems to be falling down, but the right one remains in place. I wish Bokeh wouldn’t have eaten my grey pillows. I wonder if I’ll get a call back from any of the jobs I applied for. I photographed the marriage of two doctors this weekend. Wonder at what point in my life I decided I couldn’t be a doctor. Or a lawyer. or any other profession that meant I needed more than four years of college. I wonder if doctor’s ever wish they could be photographers? You know, in between saving lives. Why is it that I have a soft spot for idiots who treat me like crap and will run for the hills when a gentlemen comes along. Maybe I was misunderstood the fairy tales when I was little. Wonder If I could write children’s books. I’d name them “The misadventures of a misadventurer.” I’d do all of the illustrations. I think kids can relate to stick figures. I need to send back the lens I rented for the weekend. I hate that I could have paid in full for it for as much as I’ve spent in renting. I wish my door had a peephole. Someone just buzzed in to the building. I’m not expecting anyone and with the lack of peephole, doesn’t look like you’re gettin in buddy. I’m anxious all of the time. It’s really not flattering my usual go with the flow attitude. I think I drank too much coffee. Chai lattes will soon be my downfall. 

End thought. 

Be kind..

“Be kind.. for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle.”

Happy October.

I love fall. I love everything about it. The leaves, the smells, the clothes..everything. And, it happens to breast cancer awareness month, which as you know hits close to home. 

Erin’s surgery is scheduled for next month. I admire her for finding out… for handling it with grace.. and most of all making the decision to take preventative measures. I’m hoping that helping her through her process will give me the courage to find out my own fate. Time will tell. 

These past few weeks have been interesting. I offered second  10th chances to a few unmentionables.. with the same outcome of course. What’s that quote? “If you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll keep getting what you’ve always got.” Somehow, that finally made sense. I need to stop holding on to people that aren’t worth it. It’s like I need a slap in the face sometimes for me to finally give up. Well, I had two giant doses of reality this past weekend and it’s definitely time. This. is. me. moving. on. 

Still no luck on the job front. However, two weddings in the past month- with one more to go- have definitely kept me occupied. Editing weddings always restores my faith in photography.. in love.. in marriage. Well, atleast for a little while. ha. 

So, here’s to October first… with a fresh start. 

on hitting rock bottom

I’ve been one of those people who’ve always managed to get by my whole life. Never really having to try that hard. Knowing the right people to get ahead. Always having things just work out. I’ve been fortunate to not have to deal with grief in the ways that many others have had to. I graduated college and can say that it’s likely I never actually studied for a test.. never finished a required reading.. waited until the night before to complete many of my projects.. and still ended up with a 3.0. I said I wanted to be a homeowner by age 25 and I did it. I picked up a camera for fun, and for whatever reason people decided to start paying me for a new hobby. 

My point? I think the luck has run out.

I lost my job last August. My mom got cancer in November. My sister tested positive for the gene a few months ago. I have no health insurance- mostly due to the ungodly amount of pressure that I would feel if I were actually able to be tested and know my fate. I send out resumes left and right with no responses coming in. I cry every time someone asks me what my plans are. I have no plans. My parents are worried about me. My friends tell me everything will work out. 

I know that if only I would believe that- things wouldn’t seem so bad. The only thing i know for sure is that this must be rock bottom. And there’s only going up from here. Right?

Catching up

I apparently fell off the blogging wagon for the past few weeks. Hmm. Let’s see. What has been happening? Well, a whole lot of nothing, unfortunately. I’m finished with my work at the radio station which leaves me way too much time on my hands and way little motivation to get anything done. I’ve been sending out applications left and right and if I have to take one more comprehensive test including fractions and exponents, i’m going to have to time travel back to 10th grade and wake myself up during algebra. 

I shot the Robbins wedding this past weekend.. one down and two more to go in the next 5 weeks. I guess not having a full time job when I have this much editing to do is a blessing in disguise. Did I mention i’d love a few blessings that were NOT in disguise?

and on the guy front? Things are just as confusing as ever. The dance of is-he-interested-or-isn’t-he-interested is still being waltzed across the speakeasy floor. Things were so much easier when you could a pass a “check yes or no” note across the room. 

A good start

The interview went great and I get to hang out with this kiddo all week. 🙂

What has two thumbs and a job interview on Monday?

This girl.

Save the best for last

Sometimes, it’s like Adele read my blog.

Photography

Whenever a good amount of time passes in between shoots, I lose all sense of confidence in photography. Thankfully, it usually only takes a few key photo’s to restore my faith in the art. This is one of them. Don’t ask me why I chose the ones I do as favorites. Some just speak to me.